The Power of Authentic Leadership with Nicole Mashburn, CEO of Villa Marin

[00:00:00] Kristen: Welcome

[00:00:06] to Love and Leadership, the podcast that helps you lead with both your head and your heart, plus a bit of humor. I'm Kristen Brun Sharkey, a leadership coach and facilitator.

[00:00:15] Mike: And I'm Mike Sharkey, a senior living and hospitality executive. We're a couple of leadership nerds who also happen to be a couple.

[00:00:23] Kristen: Join us each week as we share our unfiltered opinions, break down influential books and interview inspiring guests. 

[00:00:30] Mike: Whether you're a seasoned executive or a rising star, we're here to help you level up your leadership game and amplify your impact.

[00:00:46] Kristen: Hello and welcome back to Love and Leadership. I'm Kristen

[00:00:50] Mike: and I'm Mike.

[00:00:51] Kristen: and today we have another guest interview for you with Nicole Mashburn who is the CEO of Villa Marin in Marin County. 

[00:01:01] Mike: She's the boss of a CCRC. That's a continuing care retirement community. That's kind of a special type of retirement community that's also a nonprofit.

[00:01:12] Kristen: Yep. And she's also the person who hired Mike into senior living.

[00:01:18] Mike: Thank you. 

[00:01:19] Kristen: But it's a fantastic interview. I really love it. It's really all about authentic leadership and how to show up as a leader authentically and still get business done.

[00:01:32] Mike: Yeah. Nicole shows up as herself and she still gets stuff done. So she's a great example of that.

[00:01:37] Kristen: Yeah, for sure. And there are a few other terms in there that get defined a little bit later, but Mike, just for our listeners who are not familiar with senior living, you do talk about NOI, which is just Net Operating Income.

[00:01:51] Mike: Yes, that's net operating income. That's basically your profit.

[00:01:55] Kristen: But there's also reference to census or occupancy.

[00:01:58] Do you want to

[00:01:58] Mike: Well occupancy is what they say in hotels and then census is what they say in senior living and I don't know what they say in like multifamily, but it's probably census or something. I don't know. Uh, occupancy is just a percentage of your house that is occupied. 

[00:02:14] It's the number of, uh, apartments of your total that you have occupied. So that the higher the census, the higher the NOI.

[00:02:24] Kristen: Which They're correlated. Make sense.

[00:02:26] Mike: Does it make sense? Okay. 

[00:02:26] Kristen: And, one more FYI. So for guest interviews in general, we are actually putting the full video of the interview on our YouTube account.

[00:02:37] So, um, this one actually has three cat appearances. So if you've been wanting to see what the cat crashing looks like on video, um, this is your opportunity. It's on YouTube. Our, our name there is @loveleaderpod, which is the same as our Instagram, but otherwise you can continue to listen wherever you are.

[00:03:00] Mike: are.

[00:03:00] Thanks for listening, and Nicole, for, for appearing on our podcast.

[00:03:05] Kristen: All right, we're gonna start the interview now. Hope you guys enjoy. Thanks for listening.

[00:03:09] Mike: Thank you so much.

[00:03:10] 

[00:03:18] Mike: We are joined tonight by Nicole Mashburn. 

[00:03:22] She is currently the CEO of Villa Marin Homeowners Association, which is a premier continuing care retirement community in San Rafael, California. It is a CCRC retirement community. That's a continuing care retirement community. She has over 20 years of experience in senior housing and long term care. She is an excellent, authentic leader. She hired me, to work in senior living.

[00:03:49] We're a little punchy. We did. Oh, good.

[00:03:54] Here's the cat.

[00:03:55] Nicole: I love this and I Great. Here's cat 

[00:03:58] Mike: butt. Can we, can we get the full thing? Upside down, upside down cat. It's a 

[00:04:05] Kristen: thing. 

[00:04:06] Mike: Also her feeder is going to go off. Okay. 

[00:04:08] Nicole: My gosh, that is gold. 

[00:04:10] Kristen: perfect timing. Perfect timing. She'll 

[00:04:12] Mike: be back.

[00:04:13] Nicole: You cannot edit the cat butt out.

[00:04:16] Mike: That's up to her. Okay.Nicole and I have, worked together before. She was my vice president and hired me for my first role in senior living, for which I am eternally grateful. And we're here to talk about her background, her philosophy with leadership. And I think, you know, the conversation is going to focus on authentic leadership. Because, as you get to know Nicole, you will see she is not, uh, cookie cutter corporate, and that's a good thing. So, Nicole, thank you for being here. Would you like to tell us a little bit about your background? How did you get to your current, uh, CEO role in senior living? 

[00:04:59] Nicole: Um, it's, it's quite the long story. Like most people, I got into 

[00:05:04] senior living, by accident. And, when you get into senior living, you, either love it or you do not. There's not really in between. So if you're one of the people that, just happens to fall into senior living, like I did. You realize very quickly that, it's a service to others that's incredibly rewarding, while also being able to mix business with it. So if you love business and making things happen, making things grow, uh, but you also love service to others. 

[00:05:31] Taking care of seniors in our most vulnerable population is a way to do that. So I stumbled into it in sales and, my first opportunity, was to be able to sell, Sales and Marketing and Community Relations Director. And,I just happened to notice the disconnect. between the sales process, what was communicated, and the operations side of things, and felt like that I could, do well with operations, that I was good at multitasking, in, in that sort of thing.

[00:06:00] So went into, operations and then, over time just worked my way up working around the country in various roles till I ended up here in, in Northern California. So, started in sales and marketing and, ended up in the ops side, which, as you know, Michael, from being in this industry, ops is salesand sales is operations. They're really one and the same, so not a tough 

[00:06:24] transition. 

[00:06:24] Mike: There's just, there's so much you've, honestly, there's so much that we've talked about in the year we worked together that I want to unpack and discuss with you.

[00:06:32] One thing that you really highlighted in your comment right now and that,I noticed early on when we were in the interview process is you talked about service a lot, you know, service to others. I was coming from the hospitality industry and that resonated with me.

[00:06:47] And I think that's not something I hear a ton in the business yet. I think I'm hearing it more as they figure out that what we're actually doing is a kind of hospitality.

[00:06:58] but I also like how you kind of framed it as, you know, it's still a business and you like making something grow and you like makes making something profitable and working, working toward a goal.

[00:07:10] And I remember during the interview, one of the things you asked me was how I dealt with death because in senior living,you experience a fair amount of,transitions. And I think I said something like, Oh, you know, I'm a very spiritual person. And that was before, I spent the last year and I've seen like, 30 people die and,you mentioned that like you would have to have that kind of call with a family and be like, I'm so sorry, you know, we found your, we found your mom.

[00:07:39] She passed away. It was very peaceful. And then you'd have to get onto a sales call with your VP and explain your metrics and your KPIs. And I was like, Oh, I'll be fine. I don't know about fine. It's definitely challenging. Those are two things that don't necessarily like, go together. It's like service and profit. Right? So how do you balance that? 

[00:08:02] Man, that's really what I love about the opportunity that I have now, being a nonprofit. I truly get the ability to, if it's not right and if it's not good and it doesn't make sense and it's not good for me, it's not good for the business and it's not good, for the residents that live there.then the answer is no, even if it makes sense to, someone else or, I'm being pushed in a certain direction, I really feel like, uh, just the ability, uh, to do the right thing, Doing the right just doing the next right thing, and then having the confidence to know that if you do the right thing and you're brave enough to do the right thing, that the business will take care of itself. And I think that we're very scared to do the right thing in business, especially in the industry that we're in. the industry of serving others and caring for others, because we've got so many people that we're trying to make happy.

[00:08:55] Nicole: But at the end of the day, I think if we would just do the right thing, 99 percent of the time it's going to work out.

[00:09:01] And there's going to be times when it doesn't. And I've experienced that where I've done the right thing and it didn't work out in my favor. and you take a hit from that, but, you get back up and you know that doing the right thing is the ultimate act of service to others.

[00:09:15] Mike: That's awesome. So I do want to backtrack a little bit and talk aboutyour upbringing and your background, because obviously as all the listeners have identified at this point, you are from the South, probably Texas, maybe also some from Oklahoma. 

[00:09:29] And I know you're a very like family oriented person. Can you tell me how your,your youth and your background shaped your direction into this industry? I know you said it was kind of an accident, but we know there's no like accident accident.

[00:09:42] I know that your your upbringing has influenced the authentic leader that you've become. So do you want to tell us a little bit about that? 

[00:09:52] Nicole: Sure. So, I, I grew up pretty poor, in a on a farm in southeastern Oklahoma.to two amazing, incredible parents.

[00:10:00] and they didn't have a huge skill sets outside of,my mom making a home, providing a home and doing, basic work. uh, my dad was mostly a blue collar worker, working two jobs oftentimes to, make sure that we could eat. and there's something about growing up, a little poorer that humbles you. and that's something that's stuck with me, for all of my life. and I hope that I never lose.It's a recognition of others and a recognition that 

[00:10:31] I truly feel like, especially in our industry, that if we take care of our team members. Then, um, census is directly tied to the level at which we serve our team members. In my 20 years, the communities that have had an incredible culture and true service to their team members, um, and share in an authentic leadership with authentic, Where everybody feels like they, there's the continuity across the board to be themselves. There is a direct tie, in census with those communities. So just keeping that in mind and knowing that, the people that are taking care of and actually making business run are the folks like my parents that are working oftentimes two jobs, to make ends meet.

[00:11:20] And really there are first line of, of operations, I believe. And when you take care of your team and you take care of your staff, business tends to take care of itself. And that's just more of that piece of doing the right thing. 

[00:11:32] Mike: I mean, that's a really good answer. You know, that should be 

[00:11:35] like a textbook. Everybody should study that comment, I think. I think we ignore that. I, myself, I didn't grow up like exceptionally poor, but I didn't have, 

[00:11:47] a lot of advantages in that way. And I also had to work for my supper for a long time, working in restaurants, working in hotels. 

[00:11:57] Andthere's a humility that comes to just having to work hard to survive. And I think a lot of people, I don't know, a lot of, I don't want to say a lot of people in business haven't had that, but, It might be true to some degree. So I think that attitude and the way of treating your team is,and that goes for the executives too. You always treated us, as human beings, not just as value creation for a corporation, 

[00:12:23] Nicole: Sure. 

[00:12:24] Mike: Let me ask you this. When you talk about authenticity, and leading with authenticity, what exactly does that mean to you? 

[00:12:32] Nicole: It means, well, it starts with me.We talk about emotions and feelings and that the greatest emotion or the greatest expression of emotion is love, that's the most powerful.and I feel like, authenticity is more powerful than love. Um, because if you, it starts with self. Yeah. and self love.

[00:12:53] it starts with me. I have to walk in each day as my true authentic self. And when I allow myself, to be perfectly whole and complete, and I love myself, and I step into my authenticity, that's where the magic happens. And that's when others feel like they can be their true authentic selves.

[00:13:14] It will not happen unless you truly, are what you say you are You truly are authentic and you are stepping in, as your best true self. Others will not follow suit and that's not something that you can convey via conversation. That's a knowing that people have.That they either listen to consciously or, unconsciously listen to, but it's a 

[00:13:38] knowing, when someone's being authentic and when they're not.To me, it starts with me. It's not my job to decide whether others are being authentic. It's my job to bring the authenticity. That creates a space where others can do the same. and when you do that, then,The day is fun. The day is smooth and, and people can operate and make decisions based out of what's right and what's good and not out of fear.

[00:14:03] Mike: I like that. 

[00:14:05] Kristen: Yeah, I love that. It'sit's so simple, but also hard to do in, in, in practice for people. 

[00:14:14] Mike: I think we're seeing a change in, what is valued in leaders.We did a podcast about that, leadership presence, and what that looks like, and we, referenced the study that,explored leadership presence in 2012 and then in 2022 and, drastic changes in what was, uh, valued.

[00:14:34] And, in 2012, one of the things that, was valued in leaders is forcefulness and a blue chip pedigree, which I assume means a white guy in a suit and, that very traditional image. 

[00:14:49] And now we want leaders who listen. We want leaders who are authentic. We want leaders who have empathy. Um, so there's, there's been a big shift in, in at least in what we say we're looking for. 

[00:15:01] Nicole: Sure. and I feel like in 2012, I was in the workforce in 2012 and I wanted that in 2012, too. And I think everybody did. I think we were afraid to say it. And it may be geographical, too. still, if I were back home, talking about my Texas and Oklahoma roots, this would, this might be a very different conversation. 

[00:15:24] This leadership style, may not fly in certain parts of the country, but definitely, it does here and that's why I'm here. I'm still a little outside of the box.I know that my, the way that I lead, the way I communicate is still probably even more outside of the box. even in California. 

[00:15:41] Mike: there's, you know, different industries have different norms and trends and levels of progression of an enlightenment or however you want to phrase it. You know, Kristen comes from tech and we've talked to tech leaders. They're far more progressive in this than,more traditional companies, which are catching up. I think what you said earlier, I think it's in everybody's best interest, but they haven't figured it out yet and people don't know how to let go of control,These traditional power structures maintain control at the top. It's very top down leadership style.

[00:16:12] Um, that is feel safe to people, but is maybe not the most like efficacious.So, I mean, In your discussion right now, I mean, what you've said is, is actually,very vulnerable and very like personal and very honest. I was going to ask you what role does vulnerability play in your leadership style, but you just put it on the table, right? And you're like, here's dinner. This is what we're serving.

[00:16:36] Nicole: Yeah, this is what it is.

[00:16:38] Kristen: I'm curious how, how has your leadership philosophy and style evolved through the years of your career?

[00:16:47] Nicole: Oh, wow. 

[00:16:48] Mike: the smart one. I'm the

[00:16:49] Nicole: That's deep.

[00:16:50] Mike: If you haven't. 

[00:16:51] Kristen: It is it's evolved 

[00:16:52] Nicole: immensely. Um, you know, I'm 45 now. So, uh, Michael, you know what kind of energy I have and how I am at 45. Can you imagine me in my twenties? I learned things the hard way.

[00:17:06] I do. I learned things the hard way and I'm not even, I'm not even. I don't anymore. I think I'm doing better. I think that's what getting into our 40s looks like is maybe realizing you don't have to learn things the hard way, but I learned the hard way. I had to really work on my empathy. I'm not easily offended myself.I'm not ego driven, have a huge ego or offended by a course correction or, uh, You know, Nicole, your hair looks like a mess today, or why'd you wear those shoes? I really don't care. I wore them because I wanted to. So what I had to, learn was that's not how everybody, receives information. And so when I'm, abrupt or blunt or direct, I've learned that, how that can be perceived. So my leadership style is changed in regards to self awareness.

[00:17:58] Even steps I've taken for that is I'm in a radical aliveness group, which is group, it's a group model. Where I'm able to, converse with 12 other people, learn about their experiences, how they receive me. I can get honest in the moment feedback about how they're receiving me and they're strangers.

[00:18:19] So, you know, it's raw and it's real. And that has helped me. that has helped a lot, to have more empathy, and work on my delivery. Again, with the bluntness and, and just a incredibly direct.

[00:18:32] My delivery has not always been received well. it's evolved with lots of self awareness, lots of lessons, sometimes hard ones, and really evaluating myself,and reflecting on, past decisions I've made or ideas or thoughts that I've had that hasn't, served me or the people I serve the best.

[00:18:53] Kristen: I love that. And awareness is truly the foundation of emotional intelligence, right? Like, it's hard to have empathy for others or be aware of what's happening for them without having that awareness of yourself first. So, it's really great to hear your journey through that. what, what was the name of the group that you said, or the type of group you said you were a part of?

[00:19:16] Nicole: It's called Radical Aliveness, and Radical Aliveness is a non clinical based model group therapies, uh, where you can work on real life things in the room, in the space with strangers, and then the idea is to take that out into the world, and help make the world a better place, because you've done the work on yourself.

[00:19:37] Kristen: cool. And we'll, we'll put that in the show notes as well for anybody listening who wanted to learn more about it. about it. 

[00:19:46] Nicole: So check out Radical Aliveness.

[00:19:49] Mike: I was going to say, how do your personal,values and views and influence your leadership style and decisions, but it seems pretty self evident. I mean, you're doing so much work on, you know, knowing yourself, which I think is, is a absolutely key component of being a leader, right?

[00:20:06] How you're received, how you get there, how you interact with people, how people perceive you, all of that is, is so important. 

[00:20:14] Saying all that, how do you foster, a collaborative and motivated team environment in your organization with all this empathy and authenticity.

[00:20:22] Nicole: By modeling it. And asking them what do they need from me? I'm about a month in, to this new role.for this, for the entire month, I've been doing a lot of listening and asking, what can I do to make your job easier each day? what is it? If there's one thing that I could do that would make your day a little easier and you could go home a little less stressed out, what would that be? so asking that. And then, doing some forward things. We have some, team members that we use through a temp agency. we have some team members that,have fallen on hard times and might need, some assistance. Rallying and doing that, and asking, uh, letting everyone know that we've got someone in need, and I'll usually take the first step, to help that person in need.

[00:21:09] And then it's pretty incredible how it's a domino effect. And before you know it, your entire department manager team has raised 250. so, uh, one of our line staff can have, the uniforms or the clothes that they need, or gas money to get back and forth to work. 

[00:21:26] It is, it's doing those things, being it, and then people realize pretty quickly, Oh my gosh, this feels good. And it, it breathes. I think uh, doing something good, doing something kind from an authentic place. Spreads. You can either spread, anxiety, fear, and resentment, or you can spread hope, love, and, excitement.

[00:21:49] You get to pick. That's the cool thing about what we do. You get to pick every single day. And it's a huge responsibility to know that,as a leader, you're walking through the door and the choice that you make before you get out of your car of what you're going to spread that day is going to have an impact on all of the team members you serve. I have 150 of them and then approximately 300 residents and their families. So by the end of the day, your decision of whether or not to be a good, kind, empathetic, authentic leader has the ability to impact, thousands of people by five o'clock. I don't think we look at it that way.

[00:22:29] Mike: I've been an ops guy for so long, so I'm very like solutions oriented and I need to fix the problems and I'm very quick to attack problems and fix things or get things done, which has gotten me far.But when you start to step into roles that are, more senior, like the one you're in now, I'm starting to find that sometimes you just have to have the right attitude and leadership presence and being there and being that, like you were talking about, you get to choose the attitude that you're presenting, right? You get to choose the energy that you're bringing in And, 

[00:23:05] Nicole: Yes. Yes. 

[00:23:18] Mike: like, everybody's watching me for cues on how to behave, and it took a while until I started to think, I know how I feel if I walk by my boss and I say hi and they don't respond, right? And now I'm the boss and I know that that boss is just worried about, Oh my God,my NOI is not good and I had three move outs and I didn't even register that this person is saying hi to me and that I'm ruining their day by not saying hi back or, you know, and I was like, okay,I have to have a mindset shift here and it's the presence sometimes over product or production. 

[00:23:54] Nicole: And Mike, I think you can cut yourself a little bit of slack in that regard because if you are authentic and you're leading with authenticity, there's so many other opportunities where you could come in contact with that one particular team member that you might not have heard say hello and you didn't lift your head up. But because they know you, because they know Nicole, because they know Mike, and they've known us and we've displayed character that is representative of, uh, being understanding, empathetic,they're not going to make an assumption when your head is down at your desk.

[00:24:29] Mike: Leading with authentic, authenticity I think is gonna avoid those team members making those assumptions because they know you. And They know Mike wouldn't have not said hello. They know he was just busy. Well, no, I appreciate that. 

[00:24:44] Nicole: to that.but I do see what you're saying, but all of that can be avoided with just being yourself because you are going to mess up and your team will forgive you if they know you're human and you're not claiming to be something that you're not, they're going to get, they're going to forgive you when you don't hear them and say hello or when you show up late or you miss the meeting, especially if you've given them the same grace in return. 

[00:25:08] Mike: Yeah. I I have to say thank you. You told, I was particularly, under pressure at the beginning of this year, trying to grow census. And for anyone not in this industry, census is our occupancy percentage, be it hotels, be it, senior living. Ultimately, they are a real estate investment. And it is very like occupancy driven.

[00:25:29] So I was very much under pressure to increase occupancy and it's not going super well and I'm very frustrated with the process. And you told me just go back to the reason that you're there in the first place, which is being kind to the residents and Um, regardless of what was going on. And I think those are like important leadership qualities. So thank you for,telling me that, it was very helpful. 

[00:26:23] Nicole: My dad taught me that. So interesting story is, my dad was in law enforcement and he was a sharpshooter. And, when he would have, trouble out on the range and he would be missing. And then in sports, just in general, in any sports, you go back to the basics and you go back to fundamentals.

[00:26:37] You go back to the very beginning. Why did you play the sport? Why are you on the firing range? Whatever it is that you're doing. and go through those basic fundamentals and then it will start making sense again. And it's also just breathing through something when it's painful. You start focusing on your breath and not the pain.Just going back to what you know and doing the right thing, and I think, eliminating the anxiety and the fear. And census is revenue in our world, so census, it's money. It's, how much revenue are we producing, so that is quite stressful.But again, going back to the basics, the why of why we're here, what we're doing, and, just stepping away, a little bit and looking at it from the outside and doing something kind or good for someone. and then. It feels like you'll wake up the next day and take a bigger, deeper breath and be able to tackle what's at

[00:27:25] Kristen: Yeah, I love that. Just going back to the why, like when something is a struggle, just going back to why are you doing this? Why do you care

[00:27:33] What is the root of it?

[00:27:34] Nicole: Yeah.

[00:27:35] Mike: it's like, what's the heart of it? Why did you get involved in this in the first place?

[00:27:41] I think going back to the heart of why you're doing what you're doing and tuning out everything outside, which is not easy, goes to the heart of the matter.

[00:27:51] What is one of the biggest leadership challenges you have faced and how did you handle it? What did that look like?

[00:28:00] Nicole: Oh, man, there's so many. Um, 

[00:28:03] From being asked to do things by shareholders that I feel like are unethical, to making decisions that,we're going to have a negative impact, on the human aspect of someone, but still having to make that decision because it's what's right.

[00:28:21] Doing the right thing will generally lead you to all the success that you're looking for, including financial. 

[00:28:27] Mike: And I believe that. And if you're a good financial manager, you should be able to do all the things that you want to do and still make money. And I think people make very, in business in general, they make very short sighted decisions based on, oh here's our other cat. Oh 

[00:28:43] Kristen: yeah, here we go. 

[00:28:44] Mike: Um. 

[00:28:45] Nicole: love it. 

[00:28:47] Aria. Hi. Hi. Do you have anything to add to this conversation? 

[00:28:52] Let's not 

[00:28:52] Kristen: rub up against 

[00:28:53] Nicole: Yeah, what do you have to say? though. 

[00:28:55] Mike: She believes all things can be solved by meowing at us and napping. I think 

[00:29:00] American business is very focused on the month, the quarter, especially the quarter, right? Like you have to, you know, you have to report your monthly P and L to the sEC by a certain date. there's no wiggle room for that. Uh, and they're just, they're very much looking for quick profits, which I understand, but you know,

[00:29:21] It's like employee retention. Do you want to spend another 10, 000 in salary to keep this person or do you want to lose them? Have to pay the next person more anyway. And now you're without that critical role for weeks and months and you're losing money because

[00:29:35] Nicole: But the right thing will get you results over the long term. 

[00:29:41] Kristen: Yeah. I think that comes down to aligning your work as a leader with your own personal values too, right? Which sounds like there's been some fundamental misalignments there in the past, which is unfortunately the reality with many companies and many revenue based organizations. 

[00:30:01] Nicole: you think that is because, they're fearful to be, it goes back to authenticity and fearful to be their authentic selves? Because who I am, my authentic self is that it does have a spiritual component. It does have all of those, those components that really, if we say we're not separatingsome of those strong core beliefs that we have, we're just, or if we say that we're separating them in business and at work, 

[00:30:30] I just don't feel like that could be true.

[00:30:33] Who you are at home and your, you don't become someone else when you walk through the door at work. your moral compass and everything that you I feel like that's in your briefcase and goes with you.It's like law enforcement or police officers or those sorts of things. who they are as a person is who they are in business. And I really don't feel like that's any different in our roles. We're just able maybe to hide it a little bit better. So if I am an incredibly spiritual person, I am a spiritual leader. and so. That does affect the way that I lead and if I were, if I could say that I separated the two or that anyone can fully separate the two, I would have a hard time believing that because that is part of your fundamentally who you are as a person, which affects who you are as a leader. 

[00:31:22] Mike: So you want to talk about The Four Agreements? 

[00:31:25] So you introduced me to the four agreements, which apparently everyone but me has read, which I have now read. I also 

[00:31:31] Kristen: appreciated this because my very first mentor, introduced me to that book when I was maybe a year into my career, so I approve as well.

[00:31:40] Nicole: Yeah, that's a great one. And, The four agreements, in a nutshell, is my leadership style.

[00:31:49] Since you brought it up, Mike. Always do your best, which is interesting because your best on tuesday may look better, different than it does on Thursday. You might not have got much sleep on Wednesday night, so you may be doing your absolute best on Thursday. but, you're still not operating, at a hundred percent, but it is your best. So always do your best. Um, Never make assumptions. That's a big one. I think that's one that people struggle with the most. And in business, I think it's like, Oh my goodness, it's key. making assumptions, oftentimes it's just the chatter in our head that contradicts itself. It's typically wrong anyway. So, um, never make assumptions and then, uh, be impeccable with your word is the third one, which doesn't just mean, telling the truth. It means having a self awareness of the words that you're using to articulate your message, have an impact on people. So the power in your word, when you use them, I feel like our words have power, especially as leaders, they transcend and, can evoke,even visceral feelings in people. So the power in the words that we use. So never make assumptions, always do your best, be impeccable with your word. And what's 

[00:33:03] the last one? 

[00:33:04] Don't take anything personally. And that's the one that I, that is my favorite. That's the one that I don't struggle with as as much. I don't tend to take things as personal. But the, uh, the, the assumptions one, um, the others, I struggle with a little bit, but not taking anything personally is something that, I really worked on,

[00:33:24] I realized that if I'm taking it personally, it's probably a moment to ask myself why I'm taking it personally because there's probably something in me, that has evoked that kind of feeling, and I need to question my role in something. 

[00:33:37] Kristen: Yeah, back to self awareness, right. 

[00:33:39] Nicole: Back to self awareness, yes. 

[00:33:42] Mike: So how do you use all this to, you know, our podcast is a little bit, broad in its scope. We want to be accessible for leaders in all aspects of their career, but with a focus on, people looking to grow their, uh, their leadership style, their, their, experience, grow their career, all of that.

[00:34:01] Nicole: So how do you, you know, amalgamate all of this experience and this amazing wisdom that you have to grow young leaders?I think we need to talk about it, like you're doing, which I think is wonderful and the work that Kristen is doing. Young leaders, we need to mentor and model and then if we do care about young leaders, I think it would bid us well, to start planting some trees we're not going to sit in the shade of. So, um, finding someone, being that resource for someone, I think if you do have wisdom and you've been given a platform or, you have something that you can offer others, I think it's a gift. 

[00:34:43] And it's only a gift if you're giving it out. If not, it's just kind of something that you're setting and relishing in for yourself. So if someone has told you, you're impactful, if someone has said you inspire me or you help me, I think that is your ticket or your key to do more of that. And find those people, be accessible, say yes to people, offer to help, and ultimately create the working environment, and, that we want it to be. But in order to do that, we've got to take action and get involvedand take ownership of it. Mentor, model, and, um, help the next generation of folks coming up. 

[00:35:23] Kristen: I really like the planting trees you're not going to sit in the shade of. 

[00:35:28] Mike: Nicole's got the idioms. She's got the 

[00:35:31] Nicole: I'm from the south. I've saved 

[00:35:34] Mike: good 

[00:35:34] idioms.

[00:35:35] I think it's an excellent way to communicate the spirit of what you're trying to teach. It's also a meme. Memes are older than the current, like five year iteration of pictures showing up, that's actually, a whole cultural concept. And it's like the picture. 

[00:35:53] One picture with a caption can be much more impactful than sometimes a book because you have, the visualization, the vibe, the spirit, the context, and I feel like pedagogically we, we lack that a little bit.

[00:36:08] 

[00:36:08] Mike: 

[00:36:08] Nicole: And I think,ironically enough, we work in an industry where walking through our halls is living history. And all the wisdom. The average age in my community is 85. I'm walking around people that have, sailed across the world and taken the, sailed across the world. And one of my residents last week, had taken the same route Columbus had.

[00:36:31] Like they literally sailed Columbus's route. We've got remarkable, uh, people walking around in these communities that are full, full of wisdom. And have so much value. I pull from them all the time. And the reason why I say that is the, uh, sitting in the shade of a tree that you did not, or planting trees that you're never going to set in the shade of.

[00:36:52] That, that is, one of my residents, told probably five, six, seven years ago, and it's stuck with me ever since 

[00:37:00] some interesting residents. that came from a resident.

[00:37:02] Mike: our first interview, you told me you had, at some point as a resident, the secret, one of the secret service agents, that was on JFK's detail, something like that.

[00:37:12] Nicole: Major Bill Lee. He was in the United States marine Corps. And this resident was absolutely phenomenal. He hated me when he met me. He called me every name in the book. This man just hated me. 

[00:37:24] Here's just another woman, another leader coming in here and now we've got a woman, what the heck does she know?

[00:37:30] And, I could not break through with him. I could not connect with him. He just, he wasn't going to have any part of me or anything that I had to say. And then. One day I walked into the dining room and the dining room was long and he was sitting with his back to the wall all the way at the end of it. A football field away is what this dining room felt like.

[00:37:49] And I saw him sitting there and he had on a red cap and it said U. S. Marine corps. And then I was like, oh, that's what's going on here. Now I get it. And so I ignored him. And I walked past him, to the kitchen, ignored him on my way by. And then I turned around and looked at him and I said, Hey, Semper Fi. And he looked at me and Semper Fi is a marine Corps way to say always faithful. It means always faithful and Semper Fidelis. 

[00:38:20] You probably know that, turned out he was ended up being one of my best friends and a remarkable man that I learned so much from, that has impacted the leader that I am today and he was the Marine, that, guarded President Kennedy's body on the way back to the White House. He was in the in Time magazine. he's that man that's standing, in front of the hearse. Then he guarded the casket for all the days that, Kennedy was on display. He was, he's also authored three books.

[00:38:50] And he, was the, Marine, that started the, the, at Washington DCthey have, the man in white dress. it's an entire thing that they do for the tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Soldier, Um, also gave his eulogy, he slipped off the pages of time, as he liked to say, without anyone knowing, he left. but I just could not let him slip away with no one knowing he was here. so I, I gave him a funeral and gave him full, color guard and the entire thing. But there's, I would like to write a book, about these impactful residents that I've had over the 20 years, because Major Bill Lee would have, he would have a chapter this big.

[00:39:33] Mike: 

[00:39:33] Kristen: yeah,

[00:39:34] Nicole: He's, he was phenomenal. There's more to that story and more to him and the story of his death, and then my role in, in that. there's so much more to that. that's a whole 

[00:39:46] Mike: It's a book. She can hook you up with the. 

[00:39:50] Nicole: put a pin in that. I really do need I, I have a book to write and I have no idea where to start. I don't even know

[00:39:56] Mike: when you talked about it, it re, it reminded me of a book I read. I can't remember the title. It was probably called the greatest generation. It might've been written. It was, it wasn't Tom Brokaw might've been Tom Brokaw, but he wrote a book, about the greatest generation, About my grandparents generation and just telling like all the stories of who they were and, it was just like, it was a book of characters, right? 

[00:40:21] And the stories of their, the characters that he had come in contact with and the letter, I'm going to find out who it is. it's not Tom Brokaw. It's another, help me. You're the smart one. 

[00:40:31] Kristen: I don't know. Where's Google? Okay. We can put it in. 

[00:40:35] Mike: We'll put a pen in it, but it was an amazing book. It was very

[00:40:37] Nicole: was just like, All these tales of what it was like to grow up in the 40s and the 50s and an honor and integrity and a dignity that, we don't see in society anymore, right? 

[00:40:48] Mike: and that's what you saw in your 

[00:40:49] Nicole: Yeah,

[00:40:50] Mike: 

[00:40:50] Nicole: Did. And then you have residents, you know, I had a particular resident who was,would get drunk all the time and, was completely womanizing around the entire community. 

[00:41:00] Got drunk one night and set his apartment on fire, and had to wear a neck brace. And so there's those residents too that are equally need their own chapters.

[00:41:08] Mike: That's a different chapter. 

[00:41:10] Nicole: So much fun. I'll leave his name out.

[00:41:13] Kristen: Yes, you can anonymize those, but this sounds like a great book.

[00:41:16] Nicole: I'll change the name.

[00:41:19] Mike: I think there's a, there's definitely a book there of, all these amazing people. 

[00:41:23] Nicole: You know, I think it's interesting to like our industry, like we're viewed probably the public and even a lot of our residents until they move in as a nursing home, right? That is very medical, very,sick and depressed. and when I was a kid, the refrain from my grandparents was don't put me in a home.

[00:41:43] Mike: But that's not what we do. We actually are an amazing place where, seniors are generally far happier. They're supported by a community. They're looked after by, qualified people. They interact with people all day long, both their own age, especially their own age. The idea is if you respected your elders, you would take care of them at home. 

[00:42:02] Nicole: How fun is that for them to have just like their two kids taking care of them as opposed to be surrounded by 50 or a hunt. Oh my god. Or a hundred people who are their own age. Oh, Beezus. to add? Well, I think that was during a time before we understood about aging and the aging process and then the number one,originally we were talking about, depression and aging or dementia within aging years ago, it was related to your job or the lack of sleep. sleep that you got, those sorts of things. And now, studies are showing that it's actually tied to purpose. So seniors that do not have purpose, they're going to have, more health problems, they're going to be sicker. They're going to have depression, anxiety. The number one way to prevent aging, and to remain healthy is purpose.To have a purposefully driven life, and purpose usually is service to something outside of yourself. The residents that I engage with, that I see that are happy, thriving, and when I think, you know what, if I have to live to be 98, I want to be like that, they're purpose driven, and they have servant hearts. So I think it goes back to,the servant leadership, I think that really transcends. 

[00:43:22] Kristen: Yeah.

[00:43:23] Nicole: Everything,

[00:43:24] Kristen: I love that. That's very circular.

[00:43:26] Nicole: It is and I just got there, I was thinking about it, and talking about what Michael was talking about, senior staying at home and the residents that I have that, that I think about that are the happiest that when I stop and I pause and they bring a smile to my face, they have purpose outside of themselves.

[00:43:45] Like they're getting up, they're doing something out in the community, they're picking something up, they're stopping by to give a piece of advice. And a lot of the times it's just something small, butthat makes sense. that is what they all have in common. That was something I just, I realized at today years old. 

[00:44:02] Kristen: I love it. 

[00:44:04] Mike: It gives 

[00:44:04] Nicole: They're purposeful. 

[00:44:05] Mike: things I need to do. Not for me, but in the community. maybe we can start a mentorship program with local schools. And, there's, like you say, there's a treasure. Yeah, there's a treasure trove of wisdom that we havetraditionally ignored. But it's all living, it's all living where I work right now.

[00:44:22] So how can we make use of that?

[00:44:26] Kristen: Well, as we're kind of bringing this to a close, Nicole, what is one piece of advice you would have for somebody who is coming into leadership roles of increasing seniority about authentic leadership or kind of anything else that's on your mind. 

[00:44:45] Nicole: Just do not be afraid to be yourself. The sooner that you will get comfortable with being yourself, the happier you'll be and life will be a little bit easier.whatever work you need to do, whatever shadow work you need to do, whatever steps you need to take. For your own self improvement, the sooner that you can do that, and the sooner that you can get to your authentic self, and ensuring that your authentic self is good, and spreads the right message, the sooner that you can accept yourself, the better off you'll be.

[00:45:17] And, just be yourself. So what if they don't like you? There is a boardroom waiting for you with people in it that do like you, I promise. So be yourself. And if you can't be yourself in the boardroom that you're in then you're in the wrong boardroom and take ownership and power in that and, find your people, do the work and find your people, but be yourself as quickly as you can. So you can find the right place. and not have to spend years, bouncing around, hoping they like me, or hoping this one likes me, or hoping I'm not too loud, or I'm not too this or too that. Just be yourself so you can find where you're supposed to be quicker.

[00:45:58] Kristen: Amazing. 

[00:46:00] Mike: That's amazing. 

[00:46:01] Well, Nicole, uh, thank you for being here. 

[00:46:04] Nicole: This was fun. It was a lot of fun. 

[00:46:06] Yeah. And thank you. Thank you so much for your time and your wisdom.

[00:46:11] Kristen: And we will include a link to your LinkedIn profile in the show notes. So if any listeners want to follow you or get in touch, can do so that way.

[00:46:22] Nicole: Okay. Thank y'all so much for having me. I love the work that you're doing. I love this platform.Great energy. Mike is an exceptional leader. I'm, I know that you have to be exceptional too. 

[00:46:34] Mike: she's

[00:46:35] awesome. 

[00:46:35] Nicole: exceptional good.

[00:46:37] Mike: and better than me, to be honest. 

[00:46:39] Nicole: Take the compliment, Mike. Take the compliment. 

[00:46:42] Kristen: Take the compliment, Mike. Not

[00:46:45] Nicole: it Mike. Take the compliment. Good people. 

[00:46:48] Mike: I want to say to our listeners if you have,suggestions for future guests or topics you would like us to cover. Please feel free to let us know.

[00:46:56] Kristen: Yeah. And thank you so much. 

[00:46:58] The Love and Leadership Podcast is produced and co-hosted by me, Kristen Brun Sharkey and co-hosted by Mike Sharkey. Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever else you get your podcast. We can't stress enough just how much these reviews help. You can follow us on LinkedIn under Kristen Brun Sharkey and Michael Sharkey, and on Instagram as @loveleaderpod.

[00:47:21] You can also find more information on our website, loveandleadershippod.com. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you again next week.